Aurelian, not Herodotus, is the Father of Lies

Aurelian

I finally got one right, like drop the mic totally right. This is the latest, perhaps tenth installment of @Eris_Goddess_of_Discord 's game of two truths and a lie. I tell you two truths and one lie and you tell one from the other. I will pick a winner to pass the baton on to after my morning coffee. We have learned much from each other, such as @Jimmer is an open book.

You may know that I am, among other things, a criminal defense attorney. Here are some condensed "war stories" from many years ago.

  1.  I once represented a young woman for possession with the intent to distribute marijuana. She had waited on my table at IHOP and spent most of the meal crying in the woman's room. My wife convinced me to take her case for free. At trial, I had a pretty good day cross examining the state's witnesses. The Assistant District Attorney presented about a forty-five minute closing argument laying out her theory of my client's guilt. For my closing I stood up, did not walk to the lectern, and merely said "Nuh uh" and sat down. My client was acquitted.
Nuh-uh GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

2. Many years ago Ray Davies, the lead singer and primary songwriter for the Kinks was walking in New Orleans when someone snatched his girlfriend's purse and started to run away. Ray chased the robber who turned and shot Ray in the leg. The robber was eventually arrested and hired my firm to represent him. I was tasked to represent the robber during the pre-trial hearings. The main partner would swoop in if a trial was necessary. The pre-trial hearings were rescheduled many times. One hearing involved the identification procedure used by the New Orleans Police Department that allowed Ray to identify my client. Knowing that this might be my only chance to interact with one of my rock and roll heroes, I brought a vinyl copy of the Kink's "Low Budget" album to get him to sign. It must have just been muscle memory, but he signed it without even glancing at it or me in the courtroom scrum before the hearing. I don't know if he even associated me with the signing when the hearing finally began (mine was not the only signature obtained).

How the Kinks' 'Low Budget' Became Their Biggest U.S. LP

3. I haven't always been a defense attorney. At various times in my career I have also been an Assistant District Attorney (government prosecutor). In one trial as a prosecutor while working for Harry Connick, Jr.'s father, I had a drug case where both of my lead detectives had previously been fired for lying in another matter (they took credit for saving a woman's life even though they arrived after the woman had been rescued from her car in a bayou). The defense attorney and I were friendly and we agreed pre-trial that I was definitely going to lose, but that he would not go too hard on me. He went very hard at me. With the distance of years, I don't blame him, but I was hot in the moment. In one heated exchange I threw the entire contents of my file across the courtroom at him. We had to excuse the jury so that I could clean up my file and the judge could explain what I had done that violated professional norms. I lost the case. That defense attorney is now the elected District Attorney for the City of New Orleans.

Justice organization calls out NOLA DA Jason Williams


 @UnholiestJedi  @Eris_Goddess_of_Discord 
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No Lies Detected GIFs | Tenor
#general #2truths1lie #game
Reply
thekris
·

I don't believe you've been to an IHOP in your life.

Nuclear1711
·

I'm going to go with #1. 

That closing argument just seems utterly unprofessional if it doesn't work out for you 😂 

Plus the other two had much more detail.

witcher.watcher
·

I don't believe in number 3. Watch Crunchers never lose. Or at least never tell anybody about that.

Whitesalmon
·

My gut is 2) is the Lie or Partial Lie. It's a pretty well documented event and a couple details about your story don't add up. But could just be poor documentation

I'd say 3 but you collect Vintage watches which is just to cool for someone who would loose their cool!

So I choose 1, I don't think you'd take a chance with a closing argument consisting of "Nuh Uh"

street.credor
·

Not going to guess since I already went, but I enjoyed all three stories!

romaker
·

All the stories are pretty wild, but #1 sounds too good to be true.

DeeperBlue
·

I totally totally believe you've got it in you to do 1 and 3. Surely those kind of moments are on the bucket list for all attorneys? Along with a "I WANT THE TRUTH!" exchange...

Image

....and someone running into the court room last minute with that vital piece of evidence.

So by a process of elimination 2 must be the lie.

Porthole
·

"Nuh uh"

Droptuned83
·

Yeah I think I'm going with 1 as it definitely lacks the details of the other two.

Though I would like to think that this could be a winning defense speach, I just don't think it is likely..🤷

Tinfoiled14
·

Nuh ah is your partial lie , i reckon you gave a Machiavellian reply with Nah ah at the end :) 

BigIona
·

I’m going with #2 as the lie. You just don’t feel like a fanboy to me. 

hbein2022
·

And this post is a fine example of how a lawyer can tell a story. This is a tough one.

Aurelian
·

I am on my second cup of coffee. Ready for some truth?

valleykilmers
·

Mine doesn’t count, but I’m guessing #1 is the lie. You don’t seem like a 2 word in professional life kind of guy. All great stories. 

romaker
·
Aurelian

I am on my second cup of coffee. Ready for some truth?

Bring it on

Aurelian
·

Congrats to @MegaBob , @BigIona , and of course the OG, @Eris_Goddess_of_Discord . @MegaBob gets to go next because Ms. Discord started this.

  1. When I say I had a good day cross examining the state's witnesses, it is a bit of an understatement. After their testimony I didn't have to say another word, and technically I didn't. The State attempted to sandbag me in closing (keeping the good parts until their rebuttal). I successfully argued that my response was in the nature of a general denial that did not give the State the right to rebut. In a courtroom I display the sort of arrogant overconfidence that good stories are made of, this one is all true.
  2.  Some of you guessed that this was the lie. Only the smallest part of it was. I was that big of a fanboy in my 20's. I have seen the Kinks three times in concert. I owned nearly all of their catalog on vinyl (yes, even "Schoolboys in Disgrace"). For a person of my age you chose a British Invasion band as your "team" when having the inevitable music arguments. There were Beatles fans (this was just everyone, but to prove your sophistication you had choose another), Rolling Stones fans (usually the first to smoke a cigarette), Kinks fans (usually the first to read the Lord of the Rings) and Who fans (usually younger brothers who had to pick last). I brought that album to multiple hearings. I left it in my car and would have gotten it if Ray had ever appeared. Despite owning a house in New Orleans (like all good rock stars) Ray never appeared and the State eventually dismissed the case.
  3.  Yes, I did this. No, I am not proud. I would never have tried the case except that Harry Connick, Sr. was such a weird control freak that not even losing the two witnesses was reason enough not to fight the War on Drugs, no matter how futile the effort. During this time I also had to try a felony case against a deceased person because I was not allowed to dismiss the case. The Coroner and District Attorney were disputing whether the DA could get death certificates for free. Both times I was chastised for losing a case that I could not win.
valleykilmers
·

Fantastic reads all around. 

BigIona
·
Aurelian

Congrats to @MegaBob , @BigIona , and of course the OG, @Eris_Goddess_of_Discord . @MegaBob gets to go next because Ms. Discord started this.

  1. When I say I had a good day cross examining the state's witnesses, it is a bit of an understatement. After their testimony I didn't have to say another word, and technically I didn't. The State attempted to sandbag me in closing (keeping the good parts until their rebuttal). I successfully argued that my response was in the nature of a general denial that did not give the State the right to rebut. In a courtroom I display the sort of arrogant overconfidence that good stories are made of, this one is all true.
  2.  Some of you guessed that this was the lie. Only the smallest part of it was. I was that big of a fanboy in my 20's. I have seen the Kinks three times in concert. I owned nearly all of their catalog on vinyl (yes, even "Schoolboys in Disgrace"). For a person of my age you chose a British Invasion band as your "team" when having the inevitable music arguments. There were Beatles fans (this was just everyone, but to prove your sophistication you had choose another), Rolling Stones fans (usually the first to smoke a cigarette), Kinks fans (usually the first to read the Lord of the Rings) and Who fans (usually younger brothers who had to pick last). I brought that album to multiple hearings. I left it in my car and would have gotten it if Ray had ever appeared. Despite owning a house in New Orleans (like all good rock stars) Ray never appeared and the State eventually dismissed the case.
  3.  Yes, I did this. No, I am not proud. I would never have tried the case except that Harry Connick, Sr. was such a weird control freak that not even losing the two witnesses was reason enough not to fight the War on Drugs, no matter how futile the effort. During this time I also had to try a felony case against a deceased person because I was not allowed to dismiss the case. The Coroner and District Attorney were disputing whether the DA could get death certificates for free. Both times I was chastised for losing a case that I could not win.

My partner is a lawyer and I now fully expect and demand he also have such a closing argument.  He will not thank you for this.  

Also, this is why I should never be a lawyer, because I would do things like this ALL of the time.  

BigIona
·
Aurelian

Congrats to @MegaBob , @BigIona , and of course the OG, @Eris_Goddess_of_Discord . @MegaBob gets to go next because Ms. Discord started this.

  1. When I say I had a good day cross examining the state's witnesses, it is a bit of an understatement. After their testimony I didn't have to say another word, and technically I didn't. The State attempted to sandbag me in closing (keeping the good parts until their rebuttal). I successfully argued that my response was in the nature of a general denial that did not give the State the right to rebut. In a courtroom I display the sort of arrogant overconfidence that good stories are made of, this one is all true.
  2.  Some of you guessed that this was the lie. Only the smallest part of it was. I was that big of a fanboy in my 20's. I have seen the Kinks three times in concert. I owned nearly all of their catalog on vinyl (yes, even "Schoolboys in Disgrace"). For a person of my age you chose a British Invasion band as your "team" when having the inevitable music arguments. There were Beatles fans (this was just everyone, but to prove your sophistication you had choose another), Rolling Stones fans (usually the first to smoke a cigarette), Kinks fans (usually the first to read the Lord of the Rings) and Who fans (usually younger brothers who had to pick last). I brought that album to multiple hearings. I left it in my car and would have gotten it if Ray had ever appeared. Despite owning a house in New Orleans (like all good rock stars) Ray never appeared and the State eventually dismissed the case.
  3.  Yes, I did this. No, I am not proud. I would never have tried the case except that Harry Connick, Sr. was such a weird control freak that not even losing the two witnesses was reason enough not to fight the War on Drugs, no matter how futile the effort. During this time I also had to try a felony case against a deceased person because I was not allowed to dismiss the case. The Coroner and District Attorney were disputing whether the DA could get death certificates for free. Both times I was chastised for losing a case that I could not win.

As a fun (at least to me) aside, for a number of years I did contract negotiations for the Department of Defense.  My go-to, and single most effective negotiation tactic, silence.  It is amazing how uncomfortable people are while sitting in a room with someone, staring at each other, and no words are said.  I would just sit there with a notepad, write down whatever would come pouring out of their mouths, then use their own words against them.  

Ichibunz
·

You‘re a lawyer so it’s all LIeS !!! 
 

😂

Aurelian
·
BigIona

As a fun (at least to me) aside, for a number of years I did contract negotiations for the Department of Defense.  My go-to, and single most effective negotiation tactic, silence.  It is amazing how uncomfortable people are while sitting in a room with someone, staring at each other, and no words are said.  I would just sit there with a notepad, write down whatever would come pouring out of their mouths, then use their own words against them.  

Absolutely true. You must own the silence and be comfortable in it. When I have a particularly difficult witness on the stand I will often take 10 to 15 seconds to formulate the next question. That is an eternity in a crowded courtroom. I will not be hurried. I want to be precise. I have even turned to the jury and said something like "I genuinely don't know what to ask next, give me a second, this isn't as easy as I usually make it look."

Fieldwalker
·

Boo!  Sss. Sadly, I missed out on this thread.  Alas, I think I would’ve gone with 3 as throwing things in a rage sounds a bit too un @Aurelian to be believed.  Great reading, thank you!

biglove
·

Awesome!!!

Bobofet
·
Aurelian

Congrats to @MegaBob , @BigIona , and of course the OG, @Eris_Goddess_of_Discord . @MegaBob gets to go next because Ms. Discord started this.

  1. When I say I had a good day cross examining the state's witnesses, it is a bit of an understatement. After their testimony I didn't have to say another word, and technically I didn't. The State attempted to sandbag me in closing (keeping the good parts until their rebuttal). I successfully argued that my response was in the nature of a general denial that did not give the State the right to rebut. In a courtroom I display the sort of arrogant overconfidence that good stories are made of, this one is all true.
  2.  Some of you guessed that this was the lie. Only the smallest part of it was. I was that big of a fanboy in my 20's. I have seen the Kinks three times in concert. I owned nearly all of their catalog on vinyl (yes, even "Schoolboys in Disgrace"). For a person of my age you chose a British Invasion band as your "team" when having the inevitable music arguments. There were Beatles fans (this was just everyone, but to prove your sophistication you had choose another), Rolling Stones fans (usually the first to smoke a cigarette), Kinks fans (usually the first to read the Lord of the Rings) and Who fans (usually younger brothers who had to pick last). I brought that album to multiple hearings. I left it in my car and would have gotten it if Ray had ever appeared. Despite owning a house in New Orleans (like all good rock stars) Ray never appeared and the State eventually dismissed the case.
  3.  Yes, I did this. No, I am not proud. I would never have tried the case except that Harry Connick, Sr. was such a weird control freak that not even losing the two witnesses was reason enough not to fight the War on Drugs, no matter how futile the effort. During this time I also had to try a felony case against a deceased person because I was not allowed to dismiss the case. The Coroner and District Attorney were disputing whether the DA could get death certificates for free. Both times I was chastised for losing a case that I could not win.

Who fans (usually younger brothers who had to pick last)
 

Mom: ”I wish your little brother, Tommy, would stop listening to that song over and over again and crying.”

Aurelian: “Yeah mom. I was just reading Epimenides and think I know what I want to do with my life. It’s hard to concentrate with all that sobbing in the corner.”