So there I was, throwing shade at a Rolex on a leather leash, while my own spotlight shines on an Oris 65, a watch that’s more at home in a café than the deep sea. At least the Oris wears its identity crisis on its sleeve—or should I say, its strap? As for the Submariner, strapping it to leather is like giving a shark a top hat. Elegantly horrid. Let’s raise our mismatched watches in a toast to the beautifully confused statements we make, proving fashion’s greatest accessory is indeed, irony.

Slapping a brown leather strap on a Rolex Submariner? Bold move! It’s like deciding to wear socks with sandals to a fashion week—unorthodox, yet undeniably a statement. The Submariner, a watch that’s traditionally seen lurking in the murky depths of offices or sitting pretty on the wrists of those who’ve never seen a splash of water, now sports the ultimate accessory of rebellion. That brown leather strap doesn’t just say, “I’m different,” it screams, “I’m a trailblazer on the path of questionable choices.” It’s an homage to the age-old tradition of taking something perfectly functional and adding a personal touch that makes watch purists wince. This, folks, is haute horology meets garage sale chic, a combination as rare as it is, well, visually challenging. Bravo for daring to be different, but maybe let's keep the dive watches and leather straps in separate corners of the playground.

Hands borrowed from a Grand Seiko SBGE285, lugs lifted straight off an Omega, a bezel that’s a dead ringer for a Rolex Explorer II, and the color of a dog turd that has survived the winter; because, honestly, what’s the point of originality anymore?

Your comment? Spot on. Hopping on your bike, leaving the too-heavy Oris at home, is real talk. It’s about the vibe we think we’re giving off versus how we’re actually seen. Aiming for “eco-conscious bike lover,” but to everyone else, you’re “that annoying cyclist zigzagging through traffic like it’s a personal obstacle course.” And the Oris? Turns out, using it to signal anything is like yelling into a void—no one’s really listening, and those who might glance your way are too puzzled to care. As for the Tudor craze, it’s like everyone suddenly found their cause, making a mountain out of a molehill of watch preference. Keep riding, though. In the end, the only signal that really matters is the one you’re sending to yourself, even if it’s getting drowned out by the roar of traffic.

Dont forget the option "Crippling insecurity"

Wait, so you’re telling me you don’t require the approval of complete strangers on the internet to validate your self-worth? Preposterous! How utterly unconventional!

Spoiler alert, the EDC guy is only needed in movies.