Guilt from swapping a gifted watch?
Back story… My wife gifted me a Cartier Tank Large HAQ (not Solar) a year and a half ago for my 40th, which was no small feat for her. She knows I’m deep in the watch world, and also that I’m particular when it comes to said watches, though I don’t shy away from rocking a gifted watch, nor put pressure on anyone to think they need to gift me a watch.
I was floored she got it for me. When I tried it on, two things jumped out. 1) the factory strap didn’t fit around my 7.5” wrist, and 2) the watch itself was smaller than I remembered the last time I saw it at the AD. I’ve attached photos of the Tank for reference on my 7.5” wrist.
After taking a few days to try it out, I just wasn’t bonding with it, all because of the size. I kept justifying the period accuracy of the size and that it’s meant to run small even with my large sized wrists. But by the 3rd day, the decision was made in my head that maybe it’s best to go in and see what else might be a better fit. I knew what the price was, and anything more expensive would come out of my wallet. I also knew a larger strap would resolve any fitment issues.
My wife and I went to the AD, and started to discuss the size which they agreed it was fairly small for my wrist. At the end of the day my wife mentioned she felt pressure to have something for me to open on the day, so she grabbed it knowing it might not be ‘what I wanted’.
TL;DR
I ended up returning the Tank and walking out with a Santos Medium which was a real stunner and even for my wrist size, worked really well as a classy under the cuff dress watch with a bracelet to last generations (in case the drop support for the proprietary strap system - more on this in my last thoughts). I covered the price difference, and all was well.
Fast forward a year or so, and I kept having this guilt hang over as though I’d done something wrong. Was I a terrible person to return the gifted watch for something else? My wife doesn’t seem to mind, she encouraged I get what I really want, so the guilt seems to be all on me. Anyone have this feeling if you’ve been gifted a higher end watch? Did the Tank Large look too small on my wrist? I have a track record of being sort of difficult to shop for, I guess I’m particular in what I choose to buy, so there’s that which is a known quantity for my wife. I’m probably way overthinking this, but had to share and see what others thought. Thanks for listening!
Last Thought… I’m not convinced the quick release Santos system will be here for a generation or two. It’s very technical and really means you hope they keep producing these or else you’re the way of the Roadster. Delugs may be shutting production mid next year so who knows, makes me wonder if we’re better suited to avoid those systems if buying long term pieces.
Located in the Bay Area, California and VERY much interested in all things watches.
You did the right thing,and tactfully so no problem in my eyes. Its no good having something you don't like and only wearing 'because you have to' both lovely watches but I personally think the Santos suits you better and is a more versatile watch. And I'm sure your wife wants you to have something you will enjoy.
Congrats on the watch it looks great.
i think the guilt thing is all in your head. The mrs is probably relieved you’ve exchanged it and got something you really are happy with. Imagine spending thousands on someone knowing they don’t even want your gift..
Let go of that guilt!
Even if your wife was annoyed, she shouldn’t be. But it sounds like she has exactly the right mindset. A gift should be about the receiver, not the giver. I’m f it’s about the giver it’s not a gift but rather a burden. The transaction if the gift should be done the moment it’s given. Expectations afterwards aren’t in the spirit of a gift.
The fact that your wife wanted you to have what you wanted and not just what she chose shows that she really gave it to you in the spirit of wanting you to have something to enjoy and cherish even if it’s not what she thought you’d cherish and love. You exchanged her gift for something that works for you, everyone wins!
imo I think the guilt is appropriate. I’d do it if the gift was from a friend, not my wife. But to each his own.
i do agree the santos looks better on you though! But the Tank wasnt that small. AD was prolly trying to get more sales too imo
The Santos looks gorgeous! If you're happy, so is your wife. I would keep in mind the good part of the story. Going on the hunt with your wife to find the watch. I guess it was exciting and fun, so i's a great story to start a journey with your new watch. I liked the Tank on your wrist as well, also in case of the "small" size. I don't trust any salesperson when they tell me their opinion on something. Listing to your heart and asking your watchcrunch buddy's for their opinion is a far better choice.
Keep on rocking that Santos! And congratulations to this stunning watch!
You did the right thing... The smaller watch looks like a thong on a hairy arse tbh lol
If someone bought you a sweater that was too small, would you return it for a different size? I hope so. If when you got to the store you found one in your size that was a different style, is it okay to get that style? I think so!
Since she went with you and was encouraging, all is right with the world. Your only concern should be if you deserve a wonderful woman like that. 😉
I fully understand the gifting part. I have been gifted watches all my life and there are only a few that I would wear.
You did the right thing as the money spent and wanting a watch that will get that deserved wrist time.
Love that watch!
My wife and I went through that in the first years of our relationship, basically tons of gifts that didn't land while getting to know each other's preferences, I'm no relationship expert nor have I been married for a long time, but based on my short experience and looking at other couples I'd say it's normal to return gifts or exchange them.
I can't add anything new here, so I'll agree that you went about the swap the right way and even had the wife with you & her blessing. Not sure what else could have been done. Forgive thyself.
You’re overthinking it.
As soon as I saw the Santos I immediately thought to myself “muuuucchh better”. You made the right decision. In my opinion the Tank looked fine, but the Santos looks great. Ultimately you’re one wearing it, so you better love it. It’s over $2.7k on your wrist, you have to love it!!
I wouldn’t feel bad, especially if you already have a reputation for being hard to buy for. We all get gifts that we’re not thrilled with and would like to exchange. I did that this year for Christmas. It’s the thought that counts. She wanted you to have a nice Cartier watch, and now you do.
I would talk to her about why she felt pressure about getting you a gift to open on the day. I would make it clear that she can give you a card as an IOU to pick out the gift you really want for the next time.
I love Delugs, but are they really shutting down production next year?? Only for the Santos straps? Or for everything?
EDIT: They may be shutting down production of Santos straps. Source: https://delugs.com/blogs/news/stop-selling-santos-straps
I can relate to this somewhat as there is ongoing discussion about anniversary presents in our home. My wife wants to surprise me with something seemingly watch related and realises her odds of getting it right are, frankly, thin without me offering a lot of guidance. Ultimately, since she wants to surprise me, I've encouraged her to go with her gut and we'll see what happens. I too am of the hard to buy for persuasion where personal items are concerned but I think based on your post everything was above board and your wife wanted you to have something you love. In this case it wasn't just a matter of taste, as I think this is a (rare) case of the gift watch being genuinely too small for you. Enjoy your Santos and let the guilt go.
You are all good! You made the right decision. I have watches my wife has given me that I never wear. Three watches minimum. That's a waste of money. I don't like them, never asked for them, nothing I want, and yet they sit . You made the right decision. I'm the one with guilt
You guys, therapy here really does work! Agreed with all your thoughts above, it’s already in the past, I’m just amazed I still feel some guilt. It’ll pass over time, and it’s encouraging to hear similar stories and folks who may feel the same or mostly the same. Plus others who may be going through or went through a similar situation.
I can relate to this somewhat as there is ongoing discussion about anniversary presents in our home. My wife wants to surprise me with something seemingly watch related and realises her odds of getting it right are, frankly, thin without me offering a lot of guidance. Ultimately, since she wants to surprise me, I've encouraged her to go with her gut and we'll see what happens. I too am of the hard to buy for persuasion where personal items are concerned but I think based on your post everything was above board and your wife wanted you to have something you love. In this case it wasn't just a matter of taste, as I think this is a (rare) case of the gift watch being genuinely too small for you. Enjoy your Santos and let the guilt go.
What if you two did a shopping trip together? Like, flew somewhere and went shopping as a part of it? I think in the future my wife and I may do that for an anniversary for example.
I love Delugs, but are they really shutting down production next year?? Only for the Santos straps? Or for everything?
EDIT: They may be shutting down production of Santos straps. Source: https://delugs.com/blogs/news/stop-selling-santos-straps
Yeah they’re ‘maybe’ going to stop production on the Santos straps only. Other straps should be fine. But we’ll see, maybe they can form a partnership as they elude to in the article.
You’re overthinking it.
As soon as I saw the Santos I immediately thought to myself “muuuucchh better”. You made the right decision. In my opinion the Tank looked fine, but the Santos looks great. Ultimately you’re one wearing it, so you better love it. It’s over $2.7k on your wrist, you have to love it!!
I wouldn’t feel bad, especially if you already have a reputation for being hard to buy for. We all get gifts that we’re not thrilled with and would like to exchange. I did that this year for Christmas. It’s the thought that counts. She wanted you to have a nice Cartier watch, and now you do.
I would talk to her about why she felt pressure about getting you a gift to open on the day. I would make it clear that she can give you a card as an IOU to pick out the gift you really want for the next time.
Talking about the pressure to buy a gift is a major point you bring up, and something we culturally get trapped in I feel. The IOU is a good plan B for sure.
What if you two did a shopping trip together? Like, flew somewhere and went shopping as a part of it? I think in the future my wife and I may do that for an anniversary for example.
Thanks Stebes - sounds great but sadly not practical due to multiple factors right now. It's our 10th anniversary but you make a good point and I think I should raise this idea (well in advance) for our 15th...
My wife and I went through that in the first years of our relationship, basically tons of gifts that didn't land while getting to know each other's preferences, I'm no relationship expert nor have I been married for a long time, but based on my short experience and looking at other couples I'd say it's normal to return gifts or exchange them.
Oof… this lands on me with a thud.
Early in our marriage, I got my wife an antique piece from her favourite store. It was fairly expensive for us at the time. When she opened the box, she let out an involuntary but clearly underwhelmed “Oh”. I had to ask why she had such a depressed reaction when I knew 100% for sure this was an item she wanted. She said that she thought it was something else from that store. I went back to the store and bought the item she really wanted and she still has both items 27 years later.
I won’t make the same mistake again. There’s no surprises now. She picks her gifts and I choose mine. There’s no more disappointment. Most importantly, there’s no more hurt feelings or wasted money.
Oof… this lands on me with a thud.
Early in our marriage, I got my wife an antique piece from her favourite store. It was fairly expensive for us at the time. When she opened the box, she let out an involuntary but clearly underwhelmed “Oh”. I had to ask why she had such a depressed reaction when I knew 100% for sure this was an item she wanted. She said that she thought it was something else from that store. I went back to the store and bought the item she really wanted and she still has both items 27 years later.
I won’t make the same mistake again. There’s no surprises now. She picks her gifts and I choose mine. There’s no more disappointment. Most importantly, there’s no more hurt feelings or wasted money.
Yeah, same here, even when you buy stuff you know they want, now I just stick with small gestures as gifts, but for larger purchases I let her choose.
Nothing wrong with the way you went about the swap and the santos is lovely.
But I do want to stand up for the tank and your wife’s taste. It looks phenomenal on your wrist and a perfect size to me (agree their tiny straps are annoying.)