Bedtime stories with @edge168n: A review of R is for Rolex

With my deepest apologies to my friend @valleykilmers , who is the first person I know of who wrote this book up on WatchCrunch and also the rest of you for having to endure my stale wit. In my defense, I am also very sleep deprived.

When my third child was born, a watch friend with a sense of humor sent me this book, joking (of course) that I should "start them early."  This being my third, my immediate response was "you think I haven't tried it already?!?!?!"  Trying to get my children interested in watches is much like trying to get your cat into Kafka.  You're probably going to end up in questioning your own existence and also they're going to hiss and try to claw you.

But I'm not unwilling to admit when I'm wrong.  Maybe this is truly the book I was looking for, the one that would enable my three beautiful daughters to share my hobby, the one that would enable me to finally pierce the unsettling indifference that everyone else in my household has to little mechanical automatons.

........

Yeah, I didn't think it would work either. I used to think that all ABC books were about the same, but I'm realizing that you can definitely tell when the author actually cares about the subject. (A favorite of mine, Hong Kong ABC by Diana Wu-David and Margaret Jung is a stand out).  

What this is, is a cynical way to separate watch nerds from their money.  Where's the word play?  where's the rhyming?  Where are the inside jokes?

And so, in that spirit and the laws of fair use, I present a creative reinterpretation of R is for Rolex.

I hope you enjoy, but mostly I hope you cringe.

A is for Audemars, an inclusion way too obvious

B is for Breitling, a watch brand for the rest of us

C is for Cartier, jeweler to a king

D is for Daytona, because we gotta to bring on the bling

E is for ETA, a movement maker forlorn

F is for Franck Muller, surprised they didn't choose Journe

G is for G-Shock, all those luxury watches take a toll

H is for Hublot, just another @Porthole

I is for IWC, one of six, just don't mention who for

J is for JLC, the beginnings of Phillipe Dufour

K is for Khaki Field, Is Hamilton in a rut?

L is for Lume, cuz Longines couldn't make the cut

M is for Milgauss, our first discontinued Rolex

N is for Navitimer, in yellow gold, the bigwristed among us to flex

O is for Omega, when everything is moon landings or Bond, it saps some of the fun

P is for Patek Phillipe, can you really ever own one?

Q is for Quartz, wait do these have a soul?

R is for Richard Mille, almost certainly a troll

S is for Seiko, watches for every man, woman, and child

T is for Tag Heuer, watches that snobs protest so mild

U is for Urwerk, Schweizerdeutsch for designs so bold

V is for Vacheron, most of the collection just feels kinda old

W is for Water Resistant, instead of Waltham, Wittnaeur, or Wenger

X is for X-Rated, for the WIS who moonlights as a head banger

Y is for Yachtmaster, when your Submariner search finally endeth

Z is for Zeitwerk, because they also forgot about Zenith

fin

Review:

Good for a laugh, but too hype watch-y.  Kids are definitely affordable mid-range at this point and lost interest after about twenty seconds.  Interest from watches further than it ever has been.  

5.734 out of 10.