A new disease has been discovered that affects WIS and it’s been labeled “Goldgious Fever”!

Disease details below 👇

A few of us were talking back and forth on a wruw post I made a few days ago and @WabiSabiMaster mentioned a term coined by @cyclopseye called Goldgious. And I thought to myself, this sounds like a medical condition. Well, that got me thinking….Do I have too much time on my hands? Perhaps….🤪😅 I’ve also included a list of other names I’ve coined such as “Aurum Mania” & “Precious Metal Psychosis” that this condition can go by at the end…

Goldgious Fever:

Definition: A dazzling, high-karat contagion that strikes deep in the heart of luxury lovers, leading to an insatiable lust for gold timepieces. This glitzy ailment transforms ordinary humans into time-telling magpies, with wrists so blindingly adorned, they could guide ships safely to harbor at night. Its an absolutely golden condition where the patient exhibits a glittering obsession with gold timepieces. It’s so exclusive, you might say it’s the 24-karat kind of sickness!

Etiology: Scientists believe Goldgious Fever mutates from simple watch curiosity into a full-blown obsession after exposure to the first glint of a gold watch. This is often followed by a euphoric “aha” moment, where the patient realizes their wrist was, indeed, designed by fate to showcase expensive, shiny objects.

Symptoms:

• Bling-itis: An uncontrollable swelling of the ego whenever a gold watch is strapped to the wrist.

• Chrono-covetousness: A deep, gnawing envy of anyone with a bigger, shinier, or more gold-laden timepiece.

• Financial flu: The sudden onset of amnesia regarding one’s bank account balance, especially near luxury watch boutiques.

• Gold-tinted glasses: Viewing everything in life through a lens that appreciates only gold, leading to statements like, “Nice car, but does it come in 18k gold?”

• Golden Gaze: An inability to look away from anything that ticks and shines like the sun. Patients might be found staring at their wrists, even in the dark.

• Heavy Wrists: Sufferers often have unusually strong wrist muscles from wearing multiple gold watches at once. It’s the most luxurious form of weightlifting!

• Timeless Spending: An unrelenting desire to spend every penny on gold watches, leading to a peculiar financial condition known as “wallet emptiness syndrome.”

• Social Sparkle: A tendency to only attend events where the dress code includes wearing gold timepieces. If it doesn’t glitter, they’re not going.

• Chronological Clinginess: Experiencing separation anxiety when not wearing a gold watch. “I feel naked without it!” is the common cry.

Treatment: The most effective treatment is a reality check, often administered by close friends or family members. In severe cases, a “time-out” from watch stores may be prescribed. Therapy sessions may involve learning to appreciate the simple joy of digital watches or, in extreme cases, using a sundial.

Treatment (Continued): For those severely afflicted, immersion therapy may involve wearing a rubber watch from a cereal box for a week—nothing cures an obsession with luxury like a reminder of simpler times. Group therapy sessions are held, but often devolve into show-and-tell, leading to relapses…

Prevention: As the saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” but in the case of Goldgious Fever, it’s worth its weight in gold. Strategies include avoiding luxury watch stores, unfollowing gold watch fan pages on social media, and perhaps most importantly, practicing the ancient art of closing one’s eyes when passing jewelry store windows.

Prognosis: The outlook for patients with Goldgious Fever is shiny but hopeful. With proper intervention, sufferers can learn to diversify their interests—perhaps developing a healthy obsession with silver or, dare we say, bronze timepieces.

Epidemiology: Goldgious Fever is highly contagious, especially at watch conventions, luxury boutiques, and online forums where enablers thrive. The disease is known to spread through glossy magazine ads and influencer posts at the speed of light (reflected off a polished gold case).

Public Health Advisory: If you or someone you know is showing symptoms of Goldgious Fever, approach them with caution. Direct exposure to their collection may result in secondary infection, leading to an outbreak of envy and a sudden, inexplicable emptiness of bank accounts.

So, while Goldgious Fever might not be listed in medical textbooks, it’s a condition that afflicts the wallets of many. Stay vigilant, and when in doubt, opt for a nice, sensible, plastic watch—it tells the time just the same! Remember, Goldgious Fever might be incurable, but it’s always in vogue!

I just came up with some “street names” as requested by @shbamn50 for this debilitating disease. They are listed below. 👇

1. Aurum Mania

2. Golden Watchlust Syndrome

3. 24-Karat Craze

4. Precious Metal Psychosis

5. Chrono-Gilded Disorder

6. Luxury Timepiece Obsession

7. Opulent Tick-itis

8. Bling Chronopathy

9. Wealth Wrist-itis

10. Midas Touch Malady

11. Gilt Gear Syndrome

12. Golden Hour Hysteria

13. Plutus’ Wristwatch Disorder

14. Gleaming Bezel Bug

15. Affluenza Timepiece Edition

16. Gilded Cuff Condition

17. Eldorado Wrist Envy

18. Noble Metal Neurosis

19. Fort Knox Phobia

20. Timekeeper’s Gold Grip