Chinese ESS Watch Review - "Military Royale"

TLDR: Lmao

Hey WatchCrunchers, I'm back with another Chinese watch review, wasting my money on your behalf, in this particular case.

Manufacturer: ESS ("Military Royale")

Caliber: Unknown, no markings

Case size: 43mm, stainless steel (claimed)

Case back: Solid, screw-down, no markings

Crown: Push/Pull

Thickness: 13.5mm

Lug-to-lug: 52mm

Lug width: 20mm

Bracelet: 20mm, reducing to 18mm at the clasp, stainless steel, two micro adj.

Crystal: Mineral

Overall Weight: 122g (with 4 links removed, 7” wrist)

Water Resistance: 30m

Accoutrements: Date, quick date adjustment feature, Rotating uni-directional bezel that aspires to be bi-directional.

In the never ending quest to find inexpensive watches that could be decent, I was perusing Walmart.com a couple of weeks ago, and saw this "Military Royale" watch from ESS for $24.90 (plus tax, free shipping). I recently bought another watch that was Chinese (Winner brand) and paid about the same price, so I was curious as to the quality of this offering from ESS. Boy, what a difference, and little did I know they ship from China, because their ad says this:

"We are a USA BASED COMPANY- Ready to provide you excellent quality products and FAST SHIPPING!"

Yeah, right.

After it arrived and I started looking at it, the cheapness was palpable, nothing like the other Chinese watch. This one was special. Look at some of the pics:

The dial printing is laughable:

Misaligned, cheap-looking hour markers:

The finish on the bezel appears to have been dragged through the sand:

The rotating bezel has three minutes of play, which allows it to line up better than a Tudor (lol). Don't bump it though, it will move!

You can see incomplete plating:

Look at how the clasp protrudes when closed! That's begging to get snagged on something:

Check out the band-to-bezel transition. Both sides show - quite literally - the ends of the links. They do not tuck in:

When I removed the case back the tiny gasket ripped apart (not shown). The movement, with no finishes and no markings:

Is that a gem? Wouldn't count on it! Probably just colored glass. At least there's an attempt at shock resistance:

Something this cheap couldn't even be given to a child as a first watch because I think they'd destroy it in no time. Plus, who wants to set their expectations so low of what a watch can be? A Timex Weekender would be a fine gift for a child's first watch, not this. It's like someone at ESS said, "Let's build a watch as cheaply as possible and see if we can get away with it."

UNBELIEVABLY, two of the three reviews on the Walmart site give it 5/5 stars - clearly by Americans, not Chinese planted reviewers - which clearly shows that the uninformed are very kind, it seems. My review will return some perspective, if Walmart will publish it.

My review here is all 1 star across the board, except for Design, because I like white dials and the overall design is a diver, and I love dive watches. It's their execution of the design that falls short. But at a distance, the watch appears to be acceptable, something that can't be said for a watch with The Joker's face on it or some Marvel Comics collab.

This was a fun experiment. They got me on this one, and that's okay, I'll put it in my beater box and use it when I'm painting the house or using the log splitter, etc.

Cheers!

-Eric