Watch Snob Identification Guide
Even in a space as welcoming as Watch Crunch we encounter the occasional (or not so occasional) poster who carries with them a certain set of biases that color their enthusiasm and collection. I will start with a few and the collective hive mind of WC can finish this field guide.
The Brand Snob: These folks have decided that all of horological history and progress has culminated in this one brand and that any other is beneath acquisition. It is not just Rolex, there are Seiko snobs and Omega Snobs. There are Timex snobs (but see below). The brand can be anywhere in the price spectrum.
The Wealth/Luxury Snob: Did you have your manservant fly to Thunder Bay to procure a baby harp seal pelt to make into a strap for your Vacheron Constantin? Doesn't everyone? Related: the Humble Brag: "my H. Moser & Cie just doesn't pop in fluorescent light, so I always wear my Nautilus in airports."
The Anti-Snob Snob: Have you heard this before: "why would anyone buy a watch for more than $200 (or $500, or $1,000)? The price limit is always theirs not yours. They would have you only drinking 2 Buck Chuck down at the union hall.
The Tool Watch Snob: "Oh, you went to the beach with that on? Don't you even know its ATM rating?" "I only wear the Flieger A Style. It is all about visibility." Blah, blah, blah. Does it tell time?
The Movement Snob: Do you have an opinion whether a Valjoux Cal. 730 was an improvement over the Cal. 726? Should you?
The Photo Snob: Did you buy a camera to take micro shots of your Grand Seiko dial?
There are many more. Which type did I miss?
(Pictured: Honorable Mention awarded by the Committee on Watch Photos and Stuff, "Still Life with Poljot.")
Restitutor Orbis. Aristocrat of beauty. Autocrat of time. (Trying to perfect trolling over at theescapementroom.com)
The Flex Snob: Wears their Richard Mille RM 27-01 or other extremely expensive watch to the gym. Hey, it's a sports watch, right?
Calling out the Anti Rolex Snob, also known as the Sour Grapes Snob.
How about the Country of Origin Snob? "I only buy Swiss watches." Or, "Why buy Swiss watches when Japan is producing better watches for less money?" Or, "If you want a real precision watch, look to German brands." Or my personal selection for most snobbery, "All Chinese watches are garbage." I have watches from a variety of countries, and while it is true that I am excited to see watchmaking return to the US, I promise not to become "I only buy watches made in the USA to support the resurgence of the industry." 😂
Anti-Snob Snob or, as I prefer to be known, reverse snob checking in.
Clearly the Anti-Quartz Snob is the most common snob, almost to the point of not being worth mentioning in their ubiquity. They readily proclaim their heartfelt belief that a mechanism without a battery is poetry in motion, blessed with a divine spark from the creator and that any and every quartz movement (to include Rolex, Journe, Omega, etc.) is a cheap, drab, soulless affair for peons and the unenlightened. They would rather not know the time than wear a quartz watch.
The "You should have saved up for a better watch" snob: These folks can chime in pretty much regardless of how much your watch cost but particularly like to tell this to people who choose to buy affordable watches, even if the watch they are suggesting is three times your annual salary.
The size snob: "That watch is too big/small for you" "Why you wearing a woman's watch?"
The "zero-f***ing-tact-or-social-awareness" snob: Someone posts about how their gran sold her dead husbands wedding ring to by them a watch from Walmart for their birthday and this snob thinks "What utter trash. Bin it." Is a good response.
The anti homage snob- Why would you buy a £200 submariner homage when for the same price you could buy an original design seiko?
This question is pointless because the answer is inevitably 'because I don't want an original design seiko. I want a watch that looks like the submariner'
The white lume snob, ie people who believe that tan lume is some kind of Geneva Convention violation (see what I did there?).
The AliExpress Snob?
Why buy a Seiko Willard when you can own a SteelDive for a fraction of the cost?.... Gerald Genta be damned!!!!.....it's Pagani Design or nothing
The Hate Snob (Or Views Snob). They are a very close relation to the Anti-Snob. Telling me why they DON’T like a watch/brand/retailer - usually one that’s currently ‘hot’ or in the news. They normally say ‘I’m a watchlover’. Telling me why you like something is far more interesting than why you don’t like something. Jeez, making content/post/videos on why you don’t like something is an infinitely endless and pointless pursuit, isn’t it? it’s too easy to make that content/post/video. Being positive/constructive is the difficult part. No doubt they’ll say they’re trying to please the ‘algorithms’ or ‘someone asked me my opinion’, well if that’s the case, then you’re more of a ’views-chaser’, surely?
If you don’t like something then…it…isn’t…for…you. That’s it. They didn’t make a watch to annoy you. They didn’t make it prohibitively expensive just so you couldn’t afford it. They didn’t make it so large so that you couldn’t wear it. They didn’t do that dial colour because they knew it was the one you hated. It…just…isn’t…for you….
Tell me why you love a watch, ’Watch-Lover’
The Vintage snob - ugh, don’t do modern. If it has a sweep second I get a nose bleed.