**** you Tudor

Why do you have to ruin my life?  Oh sure, things started off innocently enough. You were so attentive, asking me what I might like. To which I replied

But I can’t afford it:-(  And you were like hey, I got you fam. How’s this

And I was like that’s perfect!  It’s like that other thing but with old-timey charm, Lowe cost, and actual availability!  Sure, we both know I’ll have to save up for it, and that’s a lot of money for me, but we also know it’s within reach. So while I haven’t done it yet, we both knew I would eventually. 
And here’s where our story takes a darker turn. Because you weren’t satisfied with that, we’re you?  You were not. So you asked again, and I said I’m cool, I don’t need anything else, thanks. But you insisted. So I wracked my brain and said, we’ll…maybe this

But I REALLY don’t have the cash for that. But you were all, I got you, how about this

And you were like who loves ya baby?  And I was like, you, you do. But not in a healthy way. In a divorce inducing, home wrecking, college money spending sort of way. 
 

Then you did it again. You asked the question to which I replied, don’t you think you’ve done enough?  Obviously you didn’t because you were like have a look at this

And I was like ha, jokes on you!  I don’t even want that, I want this

See how the numbers make it look so much better than that piece of trash you made?  It’s perfect for everything except going to space or the bottom of the ocean. And it could probably do those things too. And the best part is, you won’t make one like that, IT WOULD LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE A ROLEX AND BIG BROTHER WON’T LET YOU!!!  Ha!  I’m free!  And you were like, yeah sure, whatever. I guess you’re free. But before you go, just for old times sake, have a look at this

And you were like I even put a bit of red on the second hand, I know you like that.  And it’s true. I do like that. I like that a lot.  But how will I pay for all these watches I wondered aloud. And you said, oh, I’m sure you’ll think of something. It’s strange, as you walked away I could have sworn I hear you whisper…until next time…