Rainbow Month 2023

It's June and that means everybody is now required to buy products from the companies with the most multicoloured logos. Sorry, I don't make the rules. (Results may vary outside North America, Australasia, and Western Europe.)

You could save some money by making your own rainbow watch...

"Yeah, I changed out the indices myself. You can actually get aftermarket parts for really cheap because this is one of the most modded Casios. Do you know what a crystal press is?"

...and it would be a great strategy for scoring with other nerdy men. But let's talk about this year's Pride offerings from those brands that I've personally bothered to look up to see if they're doing anything.

Mass Market Appeal

The biggest thing to note is that Pride is mostly a low-end affair in the watch world. "Luxury", "affordable luxury", "attainable luxury"... none of these words describe any of the brands I've found that have explicitly released rainbow designs in June. How come?

- These are novelties. Some formal occasions call for pride wear, but parade gear isn't going to be worn year-round, and rainbows are hard to accessorize.

- Rich gay people just look and dress like rich normal people. I hope this bombshell doesn't make anyone spill their drink onto their keyboard.

- Follow the money: luxury brands are disproportionately involved in illiberal China and the Persian Gulf. It pays to be quiet!

That's okay. Rolex doesn't need to add a rainbow banner to their website. Those of us who are fortunate enough to be a little autistic and a little fruity already have everything that we ever wanted.

Swatch

Nobody does loud, whimsical novelty like Swatch, so it's no surprise that 2023 is not the brand's first year putting out an explicit Pride-themed release. In fact, this year they think they can sell us six Pride watches.

Did you know that each stripe of the Pride flag means something different? No, I can never remember the six keywords either. Points to Swatch for digging deep into the lore and showing a greater-than-superficial knowledge of the subject.

This collection has apparently been banned from Malaysia, with authorities citing the need for the citizenry to "just save up for a PRX", which is "much more of a serious GADA piece".

The Rest of the Swatch Group?

Uhh, Tissot does have a shirtless guy on its homepage but I think that's just considered normal in the fashion industry.

Omega is promoting some weird-coloured Aqua Terras, but they don't quite add up to a full rainbow.

Invicta?

No, the kings of camp, over-the-top masculinity don't have any special Pride Month stuff happening on their website. Why would they?

Or maybe I spoke too soon... they are using June to launch a rainbow-ish Pro Diver. It's kind of subtle.

What isn't subtle is that beefy rubber strap. The safeword is "MSRP".

Any Japanese Brand?

Although a very recent court ruling has just changed the discourse around civil unions in Japan, the topic appears to be deftly avoided by Seiko, Citizen, and Casio - brands which do not otherwise steer clear of wacky collaborations, or indeed, of public advocacy (Seiko and Citizen both have plenty of environmentalist stuff on their website).

At least Casio gave us this multicoloured Haribo G-Shock. I love Haribo.

The more I searched, the more I wondered if any other watch brands would be willing to explicitly stick their neck out for the special 7% of the human population that's disproportionately interested in men's fashion. So far, I've found one answer.

Timex

The winner of Pride 2023 is Timex. No contest.

I mean... a 20% discount?! The LGBTQ+ community loves frugality.

So first of all, we have a rainbow lineup that's actually on-trend. Have you seen those $100,000 modded Instagram Rollies with a different colour on every index? Timex has!

Notice one other difference compared to Swatch? Timex is actually donating to a Pride charity. Corporate social responsibility achieved. Look, I'm pretty cynical, but it honestly makes me a little emotional that Timex has done the proper follow-through with its Pride branding.

There's one other colourful footnote coming out of the Q collection this year:

Intentional or not? These two colourful (and androgynous, at 36mm) Malibus hew pretty closely after the (lesser-known) lesbian and transgender pride flags. Timex isn't explicitly marketing them as such, but if I had to pick the parade watch of the year, it would definitely be one of these.

Pride Bands

Not willing to commit to an expensive novelty piece from a giant company just for a couple afternoons in the hot sun? There are quite a number of pride-themed straps on the market. Although I haven't compared them all, Pride Bands (of Galveston, TX) seems to have the best selection, as well as the most authentic small-business story:

https://pridebands.us

Any I missed?

Well, I know I can't name every watch brand off the top of my head, so I'm sure my journey here hasn't been very systematic. Found any other brands doing anything colourful for June? Have one of those rainbow Casioaks? Heterosexual but think there's more to life than 12 black Submariner homages? I'd love to hear more about it!