I Got The Call

After being on the waiting list for over 10 years and vowing to never buy a luxury watch even if I ever got "the call", it finally happened!

I was cleaning out my luxury paddling pools in the back garden at midnight when my state-of-the-art iPhone 3GS started ringing, and as I have no friends in real life, it could only be the one person who still has my number - my Rolex AD, Flair Polo - telling me that all the watches I was on the waiting list for had now come in and asking me if I still wanted any of them.

Did I still want them? Of course, I did! I can't be on WatchCrunch with only normal watches that poor people who work for a living can buy, can I? No, I need special "rich people" watches like all the YouTubers have and like to rub in your face!

Everyone knows you have to be able to post the same luxury watches as everyone else over and over again to be taken seriously on WatchCrunch. If you only have one old Rolex and have exhausted all six possible posts you could make about it including its first scratch and first service, you're pretty much done in these here parts, so getting this call has saved my illustrious watch forum career!

Anyway, cutting a long story short, after a brief conversation involving much squealing (not necessarily on my part), I told Flair that if he sent a limousine to collect me immediately and bring me to his shop, I'd buy ALL OF THEM!

Suffice it to say that the car (I think it was a BMW 3 Series) was duly sent, complete with a case of chilled Monsters, several family-sized bags of Frazzles, and a Lion bar because I didn't want something chavvy like a bottle of champagne on ice, beluga caviar, or Ferraro Rocher. I subsequently had a very pleasant journey accompanied by the two top glamour models who were apparently paid an enormous amount of money to entertain me.

When I arrived at the AD five minutes later, I was slightly disappointed to find that there were only 11 Rolexes available, and I had to choose something else to fill up the 12-grid box. Well, how very disappointing indeed. I know Rolex only make 3 models anyone really cares about anyway, but my AD couldn't even find 4 of each of them!

Brushing off such low-class offerings as Patek Philippe, Audemars Piguet, Vacheron Constantin, JLC (whatever that is), Omega, Piaget, Panerai, Breitling, and some homage brand called Tudor, I chose a Montblanc as a beater. I've never heard of it before, but my AD assured me it's expensive (even though I was sure it was some kind of fountain pen and not a watch at all), so it'll do for the garden and dirty DIY projects where I can't be seen anyway.

Call me a hypocrite if you like after all I've said in the past about luxury watches being a waste of money which you'd have to have a screw loose to ever think of buying, because I now have more luxury watches than anyone. Okay, not as many as Producer Michael, TGV, or Ed Sheeran, but I have much better taste than them and don't particularly like their "old man" watches.

Having a box of Rolexes will make me young again, increase my manhood, sex appeal, and virility... and it's bound to open doors to all kinds of special events and business opportunities which would have been out of my reach before. I can tell people I'm a top surgeon, a movie star, or a Nobel Prize winner, and they'll believe me even though I'm none of these things! I will probably be given free microbrand watches that I don't want or need too! What a life changing event!

Now I can flex away on watch forums like this one crying "Flail Poor!" at all the jealous people and haters who will never achieve having real watches like these in their collections. I won't even care if I get blocked by as many people as I've already blocked myself for doing the same thing!

Remember, you don't have a real watch collection and can't even call yourself a proper watch collector unless you have a boxful of Rolexes. That's what all the experts on YouTube say, and of course, they clearly know everything.

Have a great day, everybody! I know I will. 😎