PAINSWATCH ARTICLE/POST 175851/4

I'm here to celebrate the release of the collab between the unknown manufacturer of obscure dive watches and the mighty Swatch group.

Now as you all know I was all over the Moonswatch (or Swoonmatch as I affectionately called it) so much do I put in £22 of cash into the best Chinese hommage of it, the mighty mission to brown (via Uranus)

But time has moved on and they've up'd they're game.

No quartz this time, it's mechanical and has a life span of 90 hours and more than that it's made of sea rubbish

Not any old land rubbish like the last one

There's less buttons to fall off, only one and the bezel. And the bezel is guaranteed for one rotation, which is enough for anyone except for the MWC but he's a lunatic so doesn't count.

No this is nice, a true work of haute oroligy and will be a great addition to my ensemble on my watch collecting journey.

Now of course there will be issues (think whinny voice) " my wrist has gone a funny colour" Well most of you lot have got limbs like this

So a bit of colour will be a welcome addition to your dreary body ' what is it anyway?' ( whinny voice) " oh I did an ancestry DNA kit and I'm o.oooo5% moire" BS mate nearest you got to mairy is watching All Black's vs Wales on ITV (2 bit TV channel in the UK with more adverts than content). So embrace the colour, and also do something about them pecs, more decline than incline (bottom nipples are so 2019).

The case- its bioceramic (plasik to you n me) (whinny voice) OOH PLASTIC BAD. Well no, see its from castor oil grown in Ex rainforest that used to be home to all manner of horrible creepy crawlies. So far better put to good use for watches. And as this will be my 'forever watch' it will get buried with me, it won't rust and in thousands of years hence they will dig up my Remains and put this in a museum and will marvel at the duality of man and exclaim 'this is better than a case full of contraceptives'. But if my family decide to burn my carcass the watch will make CO2 snd so grow the next gen of plants, and plants are good.

NO CO2- NO PLANTS, NO PLANTS-NO CASTOR PLANTS, NO CASOT ANTS- NO CAST IOL, NO CAS OL- NO CASTORCERAMIC, NO CASAMICBIO- NO SWATCH×BLINPANC=end of civilisation 😭

Availability. Always a problem especially in the Uk's capital city

Luckily I've got a contact in Swatch and she's divulged the 3 secret locations where they are available Convent Allotments, Cambridge Street and the back of Mad Harry's in Bethnal Green, but keep this to yourselves OK. I personally can't make to the launch but I've sent a crack team of one tomorrow to get me one. His name is Russ and responsible for buying a the crap beer in our local pub (bloody useless at is as well). He was going down to some transport museum and ride on a vintage tube train (needn't bother just go on the Bakerloo line) so he's agreed to que for 6 hours in the 32°c heat and get me one (and he better). So if your passing and see a scruffy bloke, about 5'2",glasses, not much on top, shoes with no laces and looks like a disheleved gnome

That's Russ, say hello and don't worry about the arm waving and shouting, he's just been friendly. In the unlikely event of him failing the (a bit northernish midlandy) chapter of Watchcrunch are down in a couple of weeks later, that's me, @Scooby and @DeeperRed (glad Kevin keegan gone as her avatar, never did rate him) so it will give them time to bring out the special editions.

What special editions? I hear you say... Well my insider told me that whilst testing the WR of the Blancswatch they found Captain Nemo's submarine (and him) and they extracted his famous gold molar. So every high tide they'll be a new release "Nemo gold", but the clever marketing people are calling it GLEMONOLD. And as no one could see Gloonmold on the Swoonmatch they are carefully hiding it in the biocastamic rubbish case.And they're pricing them at the modest sum of a row of houses in Bolton (which is £10 less than the normal one tonight on ebay). And for non UK folks, Bolton is like LA just with less sun and no Tom Cruise (which helps with the traffic).

So yeah I love it, vibrant colours, loosely affiliated history, Swiss (a bit, 69.999% Chinese) and OMG the straps, n best of all the Time Teller hates it, and anything that bearded muffin hates I'm all over. Only thing I don't like is the name,now I studied French at school and blanc pain is white bread, so if they just ditch that bit and call it Swatch×olddiverswatch that only 0.00009% of the world'spopulationhaveheardofit... perfect🤩😍🥰 oh and Britt can't pronounce Blancpain😆