Breaking News: Evil Boss of London's Rolex Rippers Gang Exposed
According to the BBC, an updated docudrama exposing the boss and all known members of the Rolex Rippers gang will be available on iPlayer during the Christmas period.
In one harrowing scene, the Godfather-like mobster now named and shamed as "Fagin" gloats over a stolen Patek Philippe pocket watch worth at least 3 shillings and sixpence while talking to an owl!
Fagin's sub-bosses, or "capos" as they are known within the criminal underground, have also been identified as one "Artful Dodger" and one "Oliver Twist". Little is known about their tragic backgrounds, but following only 4 complaints to OFSTED over the last documentary, the BBC says it will not be using the criminals' poverty to victim shame the rich and stupid luxury watch owners who "deserve to be robbed" this time.
Police are not certain if "Dodger" and "Twist" are merely aliases as there are conflicting reports still coming in, including significant claims that Jack Dawkins is the real name of the former. Hopefully these details will be ironed out before the docudrama goes live so you know exactly who is being deported to Brisbane, Australia.
Many moving pictures of the known criminals caught in the act are already available to download, but shocking secret CCTV footage showing the gang in their hideout has been updated in glorious Technicolor exclusively for those of you fortunate enough to have a colour television (and licence) in your home.
Apparently, this vile gang has been active for a very long time, and some credible sources such as retired watch dealer Paul Thorpe claim it to be well over a century. Thorpe knows this for a fact since he was born before they were, and if you don't believe him you can ask his mates Ronnie and Reggie.
In another horrific scene, when interviewed as to why they did it, one remorseless Rolex Ripper states, "You've got to pick a pocket or two, boy, you've got to pick a pocket or two!"
Rest assured that these villains have all been apprehended by the heroic boys in blue from the Metropolitan Police (especially the selfless actions of Inspector Lestrade of Scotland Yard), and the Rolex Rippers are securely in custody, eating gruel, and awaiting sentencing at this point.
You are now encouraged to wear your luxury watches in London openly and without fear of theft once again. Unless, of course, you want to be like Aled Jones who has hired a flying snowman to protect him.
Don't have nightmares.
I'm pretty much done with collecting now, but I've certainly got a good variety of affordable watches. As an occasional YouTuber, I'm a comedian not an influencer. Skmei is the new Casio!
He’s alive 🦄
Rumour has it that this is one of the gang and that he won't wear a Rolex or Patek and will only wear a G Shock. Would not like to meet this fella down a dark alley !
Rumour has it that this is one of the gang and that he won't wear a Rolex or Patek and will only wear a G Shock. Would not like to meet this fella down a dark alley !
Apparently he's been seen hanging around on rooftops, or maybe I misheard.
Thats this fella, great on the chimneys I heard but some terrible speech impediment problems sadly.
Thats this fella, great on the chimneys I heard but some terrible speech impediment problems sadly.
Ah, the Timepiece Gentleman, I presume.
Always fancied myself as an Artful Dodger.
But I lack the dexterity to pick my nose let alone a pocket so that was a failure.