I got a Fngeen watch (an Alibaba watch special review on the fly)

So, last week my dad bought some perfume from a drop-shipper. The shipper had some free gifts if he bought 2 or more perfumes.

Guess what? Today the perfumes arrived at my house and after taking care of it I found out he chose a Fngeen watch as his free gift. I asked him about it and my dad just gave it to me since I liked watches very much (his words, guess in his old age now he's above childish things or something 😏) and don't like perfumes (less that I don't like them and more the one he bought is a QVC-type special which just smells...ugh).

So, without further ado, here's the watch.

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Seems nice so far for an Alibaba $5 special but after unwrapping the tape on the bracelet and case back I noticed just how sharp the bracelets and lugs feel on my hand. I asked him since he wore the thing to try it and he said it feels alright. Took me a while before I remembered he wore it with the wrapping on the bracelet and case back.

Took a look at it and saw the chronograph pusher and thought, "Oh, it's a quartz chrono? Neat!" before discovering the pushers are just decorations. They click alright, but that's all that they do.

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Most of the sub dials are just decorations and the I can't adjust the date with the crown. 

Moving on to the bracelet itself. This has got to be the jangliest bracelet I've ever heard. And folks, the piece de resistance, the endlinks. The hollow endlinks. Oh god, I thank my old man for giving me Swatches and Seiko 5s growing up. Yeesh. See for yourselves.

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So watch snobs, I now understand your horrors when you say 'hollow endlinks'. Holy crap...it's like the Grand Canyon back there. So yeah, it jingles, have a gaping chasm for endlinks and a stamped clasp. 

So, what else to kvetch about? The odd way the makers polished the ends on the links and leave the middle one brushed. I thought it was the other way around? Oh, it also had a small dent on the side of the case. 

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Not very clear in the pictures but there's a small dent I circled in red. 

So, final thoughts? I think I've just found my inner watch snob. Urgh, I thought I wouldn't mind Chinese knock-offs but something this cheaply made? Man, you'd be better off with the fakes you can buy at the side off a street in Malaysia those peddlers try to foist all the time. 

What I's supposed to give marks on a review, right? 0 to 5 thing? Ok, here I go.

I give it, a.... 5 out of 5. Negative, that is. God, I can still feel the edge of the bracelet on my palm! Dugong's recommendation: Recycle the thing, who knows, it might end up in a Swatch bio-ceramic. Maybe then it'll find redemption as a watch.

So, what's the fate of the watch then? I gave it to one of those foreign worker type that's renovating the house next door after telling them it's crap and please don't wear it while working as I'm afraid it would hurt them. Poor guy, he'd be better off with $5 in his pockets. Probably. 

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I misread the title as "I got an F'n Green watch".  I was expecting a Hulk or at least a green Islander.  Sure, inability to read is my fault, but I'm giving your review 2/5 stars for misleading me.

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thekris

I misread the title as "I got an F'n Green watch".  I was expecting a Hulk or at least a green Islander.  Sure, inability to read is my fault, but I'm giving your review 2/5 stars for misleading me.

Mate, if I have a Hulk you'd probably read it in a blurb somewhere that I'm in jail for stealing one, buying/selling/moving around fakes, or I married a sugar-mama. (Mmm....a sugar-mama. 🤤)

Also thanks for 2/5 review! No take-backs! 😝

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It's got one of the best date Windows out there and the handset is a thing of beauty 😍 . My old mum orders a lot of stuff off qvc and the like(the old man reckons she smells amazing and can stop a charging elephant at 20 paces) so I'll ask her if they give away any watches like this as I have a very important meeting soon with some horological heavyweights soon and want to impress. I'll give you 4.9 on your reveiw, but I will up it to 5.0 if you can tell me how to pronounce FNGREEN that sounds horologically astute to astound the afore mentioned horological heavyweights.

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Stricko

It's got one of the best date Windows out there and the handset is a thing of beauty 😍 . My old mum orders a lot of stuff off qvc and the like(the old man reckons she smells amazing and can stop a charging elephant at 20 paces) so I'll ask her if they give away any watches like this as I have a very important meeting soon with some horological heavyweights soon and want to impress. I'll give you 4.9 on your reveiw, but I will up it to 5.0 if you can tell me how to pronounce FNGREEN that sounds horologically astute to astound the afore mentioned horological heavyweights.

First of all, it's not FNGREEN, it's FNGEEN. Don't ask me how the Chinese say it as I don't think I'd recognize it even if spoken by Adrianna Lima in lingerie draped all over me in a breathy, sexy tones.

Secondly, good luck with your 'horological heavyweights' meeting and I hope you impress them to hell and back. 😂😅

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Which I take to mean that FNGEEN very much means Number One Super Tiger Dragon Best Watch in some Chinese dialects.

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thekris
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Which I take to mean that FNGEEN very much means Number One Super Tiger Dragon Best Watch in some Chinese dialects.

I have no idea and have no desire to explore in that direction.

If FNGEEN somehow became a true luxury watch in the future I will blame you for invoking the Number One Super Tiger Dragon Best Watch spirit. Don't think that that I won't! 🤣

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Oh come on, don't mind the price just feel the quality!

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See, the problem is you just got the wrong one.  I mean, yours is fine, but it's not this:

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Just look at it...the majesty.  The gold, the diamonds.  It's got a tourbillion!  I'll fight anyone who says that's not a tourbillion, so get right out of here with that nonsense.  Did I mention the diamonds?  And you know what I didn't mention?  The M***** F****** dragon.  And it's not a bulls*** Game of Thrones dragon, it's a REAL dragon.  The Asian kind.  It's glorious.

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thekris

See, the problem is you just got the wrong one.  I mean, yours is fine, but it's not this:

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Just look at it...the majesty.  The gold, the diamonds.  It's got a tourbillion!  I'll fight anyone who says that's not a tourbillion, so get right out of here with that nonsense.  Did I mention the diamonds?  And you know what I didn't mention?  The M***** F****** dragon.  And it's not a bulls*** Game of Thrones dragon, it's a REAL dragon.  The Asian kind.  It's glorious.

shudders at the thought

Fine. Get it yourself, I'm too pretty to be wearing that **** on my wrist. 😝

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TalkingDugong

First of all, it's not FNGREEN, it's FNGEEN. Don't ask me how the Chinese say it as I don't think I'd recognize it even if spoken by Adrianna Lima in lingerie draped all over me in a breathy, sexy tones.

Secondly, good luck with your 'horological heavyweights' meeting and I hope you impress them to hell and back. 😂😅

Damn,that's the trouble with squinting at the screen whilst on night shift without my eyes on,so I'll now downgrade my reveiw of your reveiw from 2.0 to 1.5 and a note to myself must try harder. I think I've cracked it with the pronunciation of you eat 18arge eggs and a 60oz steak in one sitting then wait 24hrs and let nature take its course I can imagine sitting on 'the throne' going FNGEEEEN 😖🥵😖🥵

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Stricko

Damn,that's the trouble with squinting at the screen whilst on night shift without my eyes on,so I'll now downgrade my reveiw of your reveiw from 2.0 to 1.5 and a note to myself must try harder. I think I've cracked it with the pronunciation of you eat 18arge eggs and a 60oz steak in one sitting then wait 24hrs and let nature take its course I can imagine sitting on 'the throne' going FNGEEEEN 😖🥵😖🥵

The heck is this crap? 

Points at big ass sign behind dugong; no take-backs allowed in this premises unless given permission

The 2.0 stands, judge's orders. 😛

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Catskinner

Oh come on, don't mind the price just feel the quality!

Sure, if you don't mind quality biting into your skin. That watch certainly wouldn't let go. 😛