I want to buy a watch that will only go up in value at least 6000% - which watch should I buy?

Apologies in advance, if this comes across as snarky.  Genuinely, this is an attempt at good, wholesome fun.  

So, below is my list of statements that are akin to the all-pervading "watches are investments" mindset that has virulently infected our beloved hobby.

Hopefully, we can come up with a running, master list of ridiculousness, and all laugh our butts off in good humor.

Here's mine:

  1.  I want to buy a watch that will go up in value - which one should I buy?
  2.  I want to buy a dog that will only fart out gold nuggets - which breed should I buy?
  3.  I want to buy a car that will do 0-60 in 1.3 seconds, seat 7, complete the Nordschleife in under 5 minutes, get 800 miles per tank, and run on water - which car should I buy?

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That watch is bootiful!  I would rock it.

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How's the lume?

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I want a new duck
One that won't try to bite
One that won't chew a hole in my socks
One that won't quack all night

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I know a bit random but your questions remind me of the joke Ford F-250 ad that’s been bouncing around for awhile 😂 

https://youtu.be/nhhjc2G9UAM

In all honesty, while I am a bit sad the “watches are investments” has ruined my opportunity of ever obtaining some of these pieces… part of me is happy that for better or worst it seems to have changed how people’s perspective on even the entry level pieces. No longer does the dial need to say AP, Patel, Rolex, etc for these watches to be truly treasured. Throw away culture sucks - and whatever keeps folks holding on to and/or regifting those Timex Q’s and Seiko 5’s is a good thing in my opinion.

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aztecknight

That watch is bootiful!  I would rock it.

Actually, you're right!  It is kinda awesome-looking, in its own way!

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foghorn

How's the lume?

About lume...  I used to be absolutely obsessed with lume.  And then I got a Heimdallr Kanagawa Great Wave lumed watch, and it's kinda cool, but just too much gosh-darned lume!

Shirryu 62MAS Great Wave Dive Watch – WATCHDIVES
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bevelwerks

I know a bit random but your questions remind me of the joke Ford F-250 ad that’s been bouncing around for awhile 😂 

https://youtu.be/nhhjc2G9UAM

In all honesty, while I am a bit sad the “watches are investments” has ruined my opportunity of ever obtaining some of these pieces… part of me is happy that for better or worst it seems to have changed how people’s perspective on even the entry level pieces. No longer does the dial need to say AP, Patel, Rolex, etc for these watches to be truly treasured. Throw away culture sucks - and whatever keeps folks holding on to and/or regifting those Timex Q’s and Seiko 5’s is a good thing in my opinion.

Yeah, that's a fantastic point.  I agree 100%.  I'm fairly new to this hobby, and I'm sure that the only reason I got into it is because somehow watch collecting became a big thing, because watches have become big and hyped.  And a rising tide lifts all boats!

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If I knew the answer to any of these questions, I would just keep it to myself and profit rather than announcing it to the world.

I think anyone who claims to know the answer and willing to tell you is (i) misguided, (ii) trying to sell you something or (iii) both.