Okay, this is a little off color, but Fleming & John released “Ugly Girl” in 1999, and I think it perfectly sums up my feelings about the Grand Seiko SBGC249.
When I saw you at the grocery store
You were sharing a shopping cart with her
And I couldn't turn and run away
I didn't know what to say
You introduced us for the first time
And I had to look her in the eye
But you could not imagine my surprise
Can't you see you're leaving me for an ugly girl
Does she talk politics and all the stuff that used to make me sick
Does she smoke cigars and stay up late oh, she's so great
Does she tell you what you want to hear
And I bet that she can grow a beard
I'd feel better thinking you were queer
It's not fair I can't compare to an ugly girl
Ha ha ha, the joke's on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
Is she so nice that it makes up for her face there's no way
Do you have to keep your eyes closed
Do you have to keep the lights down low
Oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold can't you see
You're leaving me for an ugly girl
Look at it! It’s a f*cking monstrosity! This is one ugly watch!
I’ll tell ya, the first time I laid eyes on a GS diver, I was disgusted. I didn’t know why. They looked great… except… what was it that just didn’t look right? Totally recognizable, and yet… something was just slightly off about them. Like this…
And then I realized that they all had cathedral hands, with strange proportions! Look at that! It’s hideous!
And yet… I fell in love, somehow. The SBGA463 is now one of my favorite watches!
The Aqua Terra? Gorgeous. Perfectly proportioned. Beautiful lyre lugs. It can be dressed up, dressed down, it’s got 150M of water resistance. It’s the perfect GADA watch. The Planet Ocean Titanium? The perfect sports watch. It’s big, bold, brash, yet surprisingly wearable, due to the lightweight titanium construction. Moreover, the applied indices and the hands are highly polished and beautiful against the matte grey / silver dial.
But, I did it. I traded them in for the ugly monster that is the GS SBGC249.
So, what are we left with then? In my mind’s eye, I imagine the Aqua Terra or the Planet Ocean as the narrator in the song, “Ugly Girl.”
"Can't you see you're leaving me for an ugly girl?”
...followed by the blinding insight,
"It's not fair I can't compare to an ugly girl.”
If he had left her for a woman more beautiful than she, she could stomach it, right? But, this new girl is ugly. So, the narrator can only come to one conclusion - this new girl must be amazing! This new girl must be nice and he really must love her!
And, that’s the thing about the SBGC249. It’s so ugly, that if you buy it, it must be a case of true love, no?
What do you think? Am I a complete idiot? Should I have stuck with the beautiful? I’ll tell ya, I’ve known people who have optimized for beauty in all things they own, and sometimes the results just ain’t pretty.
[I mean, it didn’t do them any good, now did it?]
Yeah, feel free to roast me. That’s fine. Tell me I’m an idiot. But, you can’t deny true love!